The Power of “Shabbat Shalom”

Guest post! (written by an anonymous dear friend of mine) 

My invitations to Jewish functions are usually very direct.  I’ll invite a friend to join me on Friday night for Shabbat dinner or come with me to hear a speaker.  And sometimes, even when I can’t make it to something, I’ll send them an invite anyways and encourage them to attend.

Like anything, this direct approach has its advantages and its disadvantages.  It gives the person very specific knowledge of the activity, whether it be a dinner or a speaker or whatever else, and can give them the extra push to attend something that they would not have otherwise attended just for the sheer fact that they were personally invited.

On the other hand, such direct discourse can sometimes come off as a bit too aggressive and actually have the opposite effect of what was intended.  The invite may come off as a sort of holier-than-thou greeting to try to get them to become more “religious.”  As a result, the person may feel intimidated, rather than inspired, by the invitation and respectfully decline in fear of committing to something greater than the one-time dinner or discourse to which they are being invited.

I’ve always been impressed by the markedly warm and welcoming way in which some of my friends invite others to do something Jewish.  Yes, it’s important to invite people to meaningful Jewish activities like Shabbat dinners, they say, but it’s equally important to give them the space to make the decision on their own volition rather than feeling like they’re being pulled into something. 

This summer, I finally decided to take that approach when I met a student at a social function for Jewish college interns, We had a wonderful conversation about Jewish life on our respective campuses, and afterwards I thought it would be a great idea to invite her to a weekly Shabbat dinner widely attended by Jewish interns during the summer months. 

In the middle of writing her a Facebook message on a Friday afternoon in which I planned to invite her to dinner that night, I recalled the idea about giving people space and, rather than sending her a direct invite, I told her how nice it was to have met her earlier in the week and merely ended the message with two simple yet incredibly powerful words as my signature:  “Shabbat Shalom.”  

Moments later, I received an e-mail from her.  She said that it was great to have met me as well, and then, to my amazement, she asked if I had any suggestions for Shabbat dinner that night!  I immediately called up Hart -- who as it turned out, was making a H2H meal that night – and told him what had happened.  It was a memorable moment and a vivid reminder of the power of the simple two-word greeting we extend to our fellow Jews each week as Friday night draws near:  SHABBAT SHALOM.  By sincerely sharing these two simple words, we can have a tremendous impact on others.  It is a greeting which is inclusive and gives them the space in which to interpret what it means to them at that particular moment in time.  Ultimately, It’s about connecting in a real and genuine way, heart to heart, and allowing someone to feel comfortable establishing that connection with you.

Shabbat Shalom.

Being a Part of the Performance

I'm currently in St. Louis, at a big Hillel conference, networking and making my pitch about Heart to Heart. Ton of fun.  I recently recieved an email from a friend which I think has such an unbelievably powerful message. This friend is the member of a Jazz band and performs at some local bars from time to time. As a college student, many of the friends whom he is inviting are minors, which recently posed a problem for an upcoming gig. Here's part of the email he sent out: The owner of [the venue] just called me and told me that he isn't licensed for minors to be in the vault UNLESS they're playing music. This happens to contrast heavily with our "minor's allowed" policy. So here's the plan if you're a minor coming tonight: 1. There will be no cover charge because... 2. You will receive (unless you want to bring one) a very quiet percussion instrument and become part of our "percussion section" at a table near the band. 3. You don't need to play the whole time but only when it feels right-- you might also get a few solo breaks if you're up for it... Why wait to sit in when you could be laying down grooves the whole night long? Hope to see you all there tonight! This is amazing - in order to allow minors to be present for their concert, they are going to include them in the performance! The concept of making the "audience" active participants is such a beautiful and deep way to include people in the experience of which you want them to be a part. I was recently in a session (at a Hillel conference in St. Louis) where they talked about facilitation, and compared it to conducting (highlighted by this fascinating video)  There's a lot of meaning behind that - and I think a lot of what I strive to do is to facilitate Jewish experiences and encounters for others, often by directing them and other religious students. But when dealing with all sorts of "stakeholders" or "audience members", it's so important (and often difficult) to remember to include others in the experience, to help them make the moment real for them. For example, to have different people sharing ideas at the Shabbat table (on kiddush, shalom aleichem, etc.), or having everyone act out a part in the Seder. Besides for getting them interested and active, it's about them being part of the experience, not some "rabbi doing things for them", or something external happening around them. Sure, it takes a delicate methodology to facilitate that, but I think it's crucial for people to become committed or invested in something, and you never know what magic will occur!